Oct. 5, 2006 - Domestic violence rally and vigil last night

Whew! Not sure what I did, but I think I hit the wrong button! OOPS!
Anyway, hello, folks.

I just wanted to let you know that I was so thrilled to be the "guest speaker" at the domestic violence and rally/vigil last night in New Philadelphia, Ohio. I felt honored and humbled at the gathering.
I suppose because of the threat of rain, not many attended, (about 50+), but those that were there, seemed very receptive to all that spoke. I met several people of Deb Baker's staff. She and her staff are very caring, devoted people to a very worthy cause. I was very impressed how organized and solemn the event was. Deb did a great job organizing and putting it all together. Great job, Deb and staff!
It was a very moving experience for me. I do hope my words spoken touched someone to assess their violent/abusive situation and seek help, whether through Deb's victim assistance office or going to a library and reading about violence and abuse; wherever they live.

Education is the key, here. We cannot hide it, hoping someone else dealing with it will keep it to themselves and not get other involved, or, somehow resolve their disputes/issues on their own. It is a growing epidemic in the United States and beyond. Domestic violence cannot, and should not be sugar-coated. Abusers should be accountable for their actions of violence against their victims.
Remember this, statistically, 90% of victims are women. The majority of batterers are men, but not all men are batterers! Thank God for that!

Do not let excuses such as: "I just lost it!" She really made me mad and I lost control." "She is crazy." I never intended to let it get that far." "She knows how far she can push me, and then when she does, I lose control. She makes me do that."

You know what, folks? He really is in complete control, at all times. He just pushed her too far that she had enough and she took control back of her own life, even if it was only for a brief moment. He, temporarily, lost his control over her. But then, when the abuser plays the systems, over and over, she forgives him, lets him back into her life, because she really, really believes it is all her fault, and she just has to try one more time to fix him/things, and he turns everything around and makes everyone think she is crazy, and needs help. Did you know that a victim goes back to her abusive partner at least SEVEN times before she either finally gets out, or dies? Power and control is what it is all about.

Unless an abuser, ABSOLUTELY admits he is abusive, gets help to understand why, sets a goal to change, takes responsibility for his actions, and if he doesn't, he will never change. Only 1% do. It is a vicious and sometimes never-ending cycle. The worst of it is, she does not have the power to get out, take her kids with her if there are any, and leave him. So many times they cannot see any light at the end of a dark, deep, cold, depressing tunnel. Where can she go? If she doesn't have any money, who will pay the rent if she won't let him back? Most of the time, he is the sole supporter. Often times, she is not allowed to work out of the home. Often times, he controls all the money, or spends it as he wants to, never giving her any, or if he does, he demands the change back. (Mine used to do that. So humiliating.)

I must tell you, I was able to meet a lady I knew a long, long, time ago. She is in the first book-Kate. She walked up to me before the rally began and introduced herself to me. She also had her friend, Carolyn with her. Carolyn has emailed me on several occasions regarding my first book. What a great surprise and honor to meet Carolyn, and to see Kate again after 30+ years. Wow! (I was able to talk with her in the early spring on the phone, though, and what a conversation we had!)

Because I was giving my speech in a short while, I could not let the emotions of meeting them get to me. I waited until I got home and then let it all go. God is so good. I am so glad we do not have any animosity or bitterness towards one another. It was another time, another place, and a dark place for both of us a long time ago. We did promise to get together for breakfast or lunch soon.

I had a couple friends attend, too. One is a lady that I have known for years when I used to work in the dog grooming shop. (It's in the book.) The other is a friend from S. State, who was my Medical Transcription teacher. She introduced me to her new friend, Eric. VERRRYY TAll guy. Handsome and sweet. She needs "Sweet" after what she has been through.

Another great thing happened after the rally. A young guy, maybe 20?, asked me to do an interview with the local radio station. That was great. He was a very nice young man. I got to hear the blip on the radio at 7 a.m. this morning. It was good, and a good blip for the rally/vigil as well.

This Saturday I will be at the local supermarket for a book sales and signing.
Check this out at the top of my website, plus the one at the Stark State bookstore. (My computer guy is so great at getting things posted for me.-Thanks-A.)

Okay folks, gotta go. I have sluffed off doing things for too long today, and must get some things done. Mainly, catch more fish in the pond to put them in the large pond down the road, then greet sweet hubby when he gets home.
Have a great rest of the week!
Thanks for signing my guest book and your emails.
Would the "Karen" who signed my guest book, please email me if she gets a chance? I would love to hear from her. Maybe I can help?

My best to you!
God Bless
Becky :)